London Calling
by maan
Summary: a story in my Surprise universe Tony/Harm slash set in season three of NCIS After Jag ended and Harm was send to London Tony breaks down after Hiatus and the whole Jeanne fiasco


London calling

set in season three of NCIS After Jag ended and Harm was send to London

Tony breaks down after Hiatus and the whole Jeanne fiasco

Loosening his tie while throwing his briefcase on a nearby chair Harm walked in to his London flat.

He went straight through to the kitchen, put the kettle on and dropped down on the sofa.

He was so tired.

Not only from his long, long day. But from his life, this life he was leading in London.

He missed Tony, he missed him so bad it hurt to think about him.

Yet he wasn't able to stop.

Four months ago they had decided that while Harm was in England they wouldn't have any contact. Some overly eager generals aid had been sniffing around Harm and they knew once Harms assignment in London was over he would be up for promotion.

They didn't want to ruin his changes. And six months was not a big deal, they had thought.

So Tony set him up with a friend he knew in London. She was gay too and needed a beard to get a change at a partnership at the law firm she worked for.

Perfect is seemed.

In practice it was not.

He liked Valerie. But apparently having a beard while you were in an active relationship was worst

The general feeling of missing Tony, the aching feeling that was always in the background got worse when he was out with her.

The dinner tonight with the NATO diplomat and his wife had gone well.

Valerie was the perfect companion. She was funny and smart and knew just what to say to get the evening go smoothly. But she wasn't Tony.

He could help resenting her a little when they sitting next to each other at the table smooching the higher ups. Tony should be sitting next to him.

He was even better at this the Valerie. And Tony was his, his in body mind and soul. Real. Very very real.

The kettle boiled and Harm stood up and made himself a cup of chamomile tea.

2 month to go and he would see Tony again

Mum and Frank had invited Tony over for Christmas. So he would have a real Christmas. With his man and his family. Like most people. Almost normal.

He was zipping his hot tea carefully when his phone rang. He looked at the display and recognized Tony's number.

He felt a pang of worry. Tony had not contacted him since he left for England. Like they promised. Something must have happened.

"Tony? " he answered

He heard someone breathing on the line. And some other sounds. Like someone was crying.

"Tony? " he asked again now really worried.

"I slept around Harm, 21 people today. I'm a slut, a really big slut. I don't want to be, I really don't, I can't help myself. I just need to...its not the sex, I so like the sex, its the only way my brain turns of. But its the fact that they want to have sex with me.

God I'm so fucked up.

I need to feel that Harm, I don't want to be like this.

I hate it, I really don't want to.

And I try not to be needy and then probie says something or Gibbs or Ziva and then I feel stupid ,unlikeable and ugly and then I go out.

Go pick some on up. And I know we said we could while you were away. But I shouldn't need to. And not so many, 21 told you that right?. 21!...i totally understand if you want to brake up with me now. And in a way it will be a relieve.

I mean I love you and all and I would really miss you but then I would never feel immensely crappy like now.

Or so vulnerable.

But I would be angry too, so angry because I let my fucked up childhood ruin the best thing that has happened or will ever happen to me and...

"

Finally Tony paused to sob.

"i love you "

Harm heard Tony in hail loudly.

"i love you Tony"

It went quit on the other end of the phone. The sobbing had stopped. More worryingly the breathing too …

"I've got ADHD " Tony finally blurted out

"excuse me " Harm replied

"i got ADHD , diagnosed when I was 10 but father said that DiNozzo's didn't have brain defects and got it erased out of my record "

Harm frowned. That explained a lot

"and I was molested by our driver when I was 11, not rape or anything. Just some photo's and stuff, he got fired when cook found out. Probably some photo's hanging about somewhere of young pretty Tony for some perv to see"

"Tony " Harm interrupted

"and my IQ is 158, I think that's it. "

"that's it what? "Harm asked perplexed.

"that are all the secrets I have . .. or wait did I tell you father used to smack me around a bit?I did didn't i "

Harm rubbed a hand over his face.

"still love you Tony "

"really ? "

"yes "

again Harm could hear the sound of hitched breathing, sniffling nose and he even imagined he could hear tears fall.

"i love you Tony, what ever, when ever, how ever "

Tony made a sound that was in between a cry and a laugh. The sound torn through Harms entire body making him shiver.

"even with all this shit? "

"yes...but I would like you to go talk to somebody "

again a pause...then a sharp intake of breath

"guess I kind of need that..."

It was then that Harm noticed the tears falling from his own face. Surprised he wiped them away.

"yes...and not because your crazy...but because I want you to be happy. "

Tony sniffed

"and not sleep around as much "

"well that too "


End file.
